1 Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. 2 For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. 3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5 not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7 For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8 Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.
2 Peter 1:2-4
2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord, 3 as His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, 4 by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
James 1:13-16
13 Do not let anyone who is tempted say, "I am being tempted by God" because God is not tempted by evil, and He Himself tempts no one with evil. 14 But each one is tempted when he is drawn away and is enticed by his own lust. 15 And after lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. 16 Do not deceive yourselves, my beloved brethren.
* "Struggling" here means continuing to be overcome by sin and not yet able to overcome sin and walk in freedom from sin, which is what salvation in Jesus is about (John 8:36, Romans 6:4-7, 14, 18). That's the bottom line. Ultimately, the Christian life is about overcoming sin (1 John 3:6-9, 5:4, 5:18), not "fighting" sin and temptations to sin. And that's because the grace of God is power given over sin (Romans 6:14). Great power. Divine power. It's good to focus on that reality that must be experienced as a promise of Jesus and not be focused on a fight that will be with no end, without having the right weapons of war to begin with.
Following are various notes to help Christian women reach and maintain sexual purity.
MATTHEW 5:28
Jesus taught that if a man lusts after a woman (a wife/married woman), He has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That's what is taught in Matthew 5:28. It must be a married woman (someone else's wife) for adultery to be committed. If the man himself is a married man, adultery would be committed likewise but in that verse the woman was the focus. And all that applies the other way around also. A woman lusting after (wanting to have) another woman's husband would be committing adultery likewise.
Otherwise, by the same principle of sin beginning in the heart (Mark 7:21-23), fornication (whoredom/harlotry) could also be the sin committed by someone who regards men/women as sex objects for instance and desires to have them (have sex with them) in a context void of love or of any commitment toward such persons.
Keep in mind also that experiencing sexual attraction toward someone, or simply being sexually aroused (whatever the trigger may be) are not in themselves sinful. God does want people of opposite sex to have an interest in each other sexually, and primarily for the purpose of procreation.
LUST DEFINED -- FOR WOMEN
To lust after a man means to desire that man. That's the plain original meaning of the word "lust." It is a neutral word. But it has taken the connotation of having an "evil desire," especially of a sexual nature.
Sexual desire in itself is natural and not evil. That's even a basis for a man/woman to pray for a wife/husband. It is God's will that sexual relations should be between a man and a woman who are committed to each other as spouses. Otherwise, it is fornication/whoredom, or adultery more precisely if at least one of the persons is married. And these sins do begin in the heart (Mark 7:21-23). So, desiring something evil or forbidden is what constitutes sin, like desiring (to have) your neighbor's house, your neighbor's car, or your neighbor's man/husband (Matthew 5:28); entertaining thoughts of sexual activity (desiring that) with random people while seeing them as sex objects is evil as well. That's outside of the godly ideal of one's commitment to one's spouse on a foundation of love and faithfulness.
MASTURBATION -- MAN/WOMAN -- SEXUAL URGES/CHALLENGES -- ISSUES DEFINED
Masturbation is a sin if you are choosing to do it to gratify the desires of your flesh and feed an addiction, when you know you should have resisted the urge and denied yourself instead (Luke 9:23), calling upon God for help as needed (Hebrews 4:15-16). The repeated failure to deny oneself a gratification of the flesh is how addiction starts to begin with. Then self-control is undermined. Any addiction points to something being an idol in someone's heart. And God will always regard that as a sin.
We don't have to go along with the temptations that the devil sends our way. In fact, we have to be alert to recognize those and submit to God and resist the devil (James 4:7-8). We are entirely responsible for what we do (James 1:13-15, 1 Corinthians 10:13), and of course, we are accountable to God for everything we do. Even all our thoughts/imaginations must be in submission to God (2 Corinthians 10:5), because it's out of the heart that sin comes from (Mark 7:21-23). We need to strive to keep our heart pure (Matthew 5:8, James 4:8, 1 Timothy 1:5) and not entertain any sinful fantasies as those that may accompany masturbation.
We are also not to be controlled by our sexuality in any way. We can pray and seek God about our challenges and we can indeed be in that place of perfect peace where God gives us sufficient grace to live for Him the way that most pleases Him (2 Corinthians 12:9, Titus 2:11-14) and according to our faith.
Romans 14:23b
... Anything that is not done in faith is sin.
Please listen to this message for a strategy you can follow to overcome sin/be set free from addictions (as applicable):
Self-denial and Taking up One's Cross to Follow Jesus (Mark 8:34)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8bpFtD31FU
IMAGINATIONS -- WOMEN (PRIMARILY) -- LUST -- FANTASIZING
Note that the mere thought of having sex with your future spouse isn't any more sinful than the thought of being pregnant one day and of having children. But if you are addicted to/obsessed with such thoughts, that reveals that something is an idol in your heart, something that has your affection more than God Himself. And if you are fantasizing about sex with random people you may feel attracted to, then you need to be fighting against that and striving to keep your heart pure (Matthew 5:8, James 4:8, 1 Timothy 1:5). It's not impossible. Nothing is impossible with God. So, if you want to be free from being controlled by your sexuality in any way, possibly until you have a husband, you can pray and seek God about that. There is no need to see marriage as a "savior" from a hopeless situation until that time comes. That's not how you should see or live your life as a Christian. You can be in that place of perfect peace where God gives you the grace to live for Him as a fully functional single woman (not lacking anything). And when a man would come to be your husband, it will be a bonus to the blessed and balanced life you would have already had based on your relationship with God.
LOOKING AT "CUTE MEN" FOR TOO LONG
Looking for "too long" is the key observation. There is nothing wrong with the acknowledgment of "cuteness," but after looking for 5 seconds, a seed can be planted in your heart to have thoughts that Jesus wouldn't want you to be dwelling on. You just have to have the discipline to cut the sight short or shift your focus as needed and pray always. If you know that being married is in your purpose, then you should be praying to be in every way the woman God has intended for the man who will be called your husband, and for him to find you in due time and be ready as well to become your husband. I have a male's perspective but I think you may be dealing with the same reality.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
Struggling with Lust? (Message for Men)
